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In Indonesia, suicide by drinking poison and hanging oneself is the highest case. Every year, 800 thousand people are recorded to die from suicide. Reporting from CNN Indonesia, based on data from the World Health Organization (WHO) in 2012, the suicide rate in Indonesia is estimated at 4.3 per 100 thousand population. The National Police Headquarters recorded that there were around 1,900 deaths due to suicide during 2012-2013.
When someone close to you has said something that sounds like he is contemplating suicide, or wants to seriously do it, this is not something to be taken lightly. You may not be sure what to do to help him, whether you should really be worried about the problem, or if your attempts to intervene might just make the situation worse.
The suicidal individual may not ask for help, but that doesn't mean he doesn't need a helping hand from those around him. Most people who have tried or wanted to commit suicide don't really want to die - they just want the pain to stop.
Taking immediate action is the best option and can save a person's life. Here's how.
1. Begin by asking
Talking to friends or family members about the topic of suicide and what they have experienced can be difficult. However, even if you're not sure how to start, asking is a great opening.
Start off casually, like starting an everyday conversation:
- Recently, I have been worried about your situation.
- It's been a long time since we talked together, how are you?
- I just wanted to check you out, I think there is something that is really on your mind. Are you okay?
- I have noticed, you have always been sad lately. Why?
If the conversation starts to get to the real topic, you can ask open-ended questions, for example:
- Have you ever hurt yourself?
- Do you want to kill yourself? - You're not trying to "brainwash" them with this question. You just show that you really worry, and you take this problem seriously, and it is okay for him to share the suffering he is experiencing with you.
- Is this desire still there?
- Have you ever thought how or when you would do it?
- Since when did you start feeling this way? What made you want to do it?
- (If you have attempted suicide before) When did you do it?
- How did you feel after doing it?
Show your interest and presence. Try not to influence what they say, instead give them the opportunity to speak honestly and openly. Open-ended questions like the one above will encourage them to keep talking. Avoid statements that can end the conversation, such as "I get what you mean" or "don't worry too much about it."
Asking questions can be a useful way of letting the other person in control of the direction of the conversation while also allowing them to grumble about how they really feel.
Asking questions about suicidal thoughts or thoughts will not encourage the person to do things that are likely to harm themselves. In fact, offering to be someone to confide in and opportunities to open up to can reduce the risk of a person actually committing suicide.
2. Listen, don't judge or lecture
Suicide is a person's desperate attempt to escape from the unbearable bondage of suffering. Blinded by feelings of self-loathing, hopelessness, and isolation, he could see no other way of getting help than death. Even so, even if they are overcome by a strong desire to stop the pain, they will generally experience inner conflicts about trying to end their own life. They hoped there was a way out other than suicide, but they could see no other option.
Talking about someone's problems is not always easy and you may be tempted to offer solutions. But often the most important thing you can do to help is simply listen to what they have to say. It's important not to be judgmental about how someone thinks and behaves. Don't argue about the right or wrong aspects of suicide, or whether the feelings they've been experiencing are right or wrong. Also, don't give a "lecture" on the values of life when you want to help someone who is suicidal.
You may feel that some aspects of their thinking and behavior are making the situation worse. For example, they drink too much alcohol or can't stop hurting themselves. However, trying to "rectify" them. This will not bring them much benefit. The assurance that they are not alone, respect, care, and support can help them get through this difficult time.
3. Get help
Treat any attempt to end one's own life as an emergency situation.
Talking about feelings can help them feel safe and calm, but these feelings may not last long.
Don't swear secrecy with suicidal people. Take immediate action - remove or dispose of any sharp and dangerous objects, or other objects that could possibly be used to end life - and seek outside help (psychologists, doctors, psychiatrists, and the police), if you are unsure how to take further action.
If there is an emergency, be sure not to leave them alone. Often times people who attempt suicide are treated only in the Emergency Room, without further consultation with a psychiatrist about the issues behind the cause. Data admitted to the hospital generally only recorded the final action taken by the patient, such as poisoning, and was not recorded as a suicide attempt.
Perhaps he or she needs a more comprehensive long-term support system to help them deal with these negative thoughts. Outside help is important because most people who intend to commit suicide prefer to keep quiet and keep their problems to themselves.
Professional assistance will make it easier for both of you. Not only will a team of professionals help her to address the issues behind her suicidal tendencies, but they will also provide support and advice for you and those closest to them.
