Punishing your child for lying will make him lie again

Many parents punish their children when they lie. Whether it's punishment in the form of yelling, lecturing at length, confiscating toys, even hitting and humiliating them in front of their friends. However, punishing a child who lied tends to encourage them to make up the next lie.

Lying is a disgraceful act. With this new fact, parents must be more observant in punishing children and looking for other ways to give understanding to children.

Children will lie again if punished for lying

A child tends to lie for two main reasons, namely because they do not want to disappoint their parents and because they avoid punishment. Especially if the child is afraid of punishment.

Psychologist Bonnie Compton in his book Mothering with Courage says punishing a child who lies will only make the child do the next lie.

Because in the eyes of the child, the lies he makes serve to avoid punishment from the parents for his mistakes. So that when children are punished, they will also be more afraid to be honest when they make mistakes.

The lies that children build in a story can continue to grow. The more detailed the story, the more parents will begin to believe. Their success in convincing this parent can be a trigger for further lies, become a lie that continues.

Punishing your child for lying only prolongs the cycle of lying. Child psychologist Victoria Talwar in her study entitled Punishing kids for lying just doesn't work uncovered some facts about punishing children who lie.

Talwar's research shows that children who are punished for lying tend to distort the truth, while children who are given a moral sense tend to believe that speaking honestly is the best option.

The study was conducted on 372 children aged 4-8 years. Researchers placed each child alone in a room filled with toys for one minute and the child was asked not to peek at the toy.

The result, 67.5 percent peeked and 66.5 percent of those who peeked told lies when asked whether they peeked at the toy or not.

Victoria says children who lie lie to hide the offense or wrong they have committed. They know it's wrong and will get yelled at.

“After doing something wrong or breaking a rule, they can choose to lie or hide it. Because they know they might get into trouble because of the violation, "concluded Victoria in her study.

He said punishing children after they lied does not make them afraid to repeat the lies, but instead makes them afraid to tell the truth.

Another way to teach children not to lie

So, how should parents help their children who are caught lying?

The research shows that children respond well to strong moral explanations. Children are given an interesting explanation that honesty is the right choice and parents will be happy if their children tell the truth.

"The threat of punishment is not a barrier to lying, and children continue to lie because they (parents) do not communicate why children should be honest," said Victoria.

Victoria gave an example, for example, children playing ball at home and breaking flower vases. When children tell the truth and admit their mistakes, parents should respect their honesty. Children really have to know their mistakes, but they must also know that honesty has high value.

This Victorian explanation shows that it is better to explain the truth to children using positive means than the threat of punishing and scolding when they lie.

"Globally, we generally perceive lying as negative behavior," says Victoria. "But often fail to recognize positive behavior, namely honesty. If a child admits his offense, we need to recognize that he is honest."

Several steps help children to avoid lying

Bonnie Compton in her book provides several steps to help children avoid lying and dare to be honest.

1. Notice how you react to the child's behavior when the child is wrong or lies, is it quick to react with punishment and anger? If so, your reaction increases the likelihood that your child will lie again. Instead, calm yourself first before responding to the child's behavior.
2. Don't force your child to lie by asking questions to which you already know the answer. For example: When a child answers that they have brushed their teeth even though when you check the toothbrush is still dry. If you keep asking questions, your child will likely try their best to make sure that they brushed their teeth. Conversely, tell your child that you find out that he hasn't brushed his teeth and now it's time to brush his teeth.
3. Give the child a second chance to do things right. If you can't give it a second chance at that time, ask if they can get it right the next time.
4. Accept that your child will make mistakes and may lie so you don't punish. Your love and acceptance of your children makes them begin to accept responsibility for their mistakes and learn from them. Children are less likely to lie if they know they won't be judged for their mistakes.

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