Know these 4 things before marrying someone who has been divorced

Deciding to marry someone who has been divorced must take careful consideration. Although there is nothing wrong with it, you cannot arbitrarily decide to build a household with it without sufficient judgment. For someone who's been married a few years without children, divorce can feel like a normal separation. However, divorce for someone who has been married for a long time or has children is certainly much more complicated.

Despite the circumstances of his previous marriage, a clinical psychologist in Manhattan, Joseph Cilona, ​​Psy.D. said that divorce can also affect how a person experiences a new relationship. Therefore, there are a number of things you need to ask and find out if you plan to marry a divorced man or woman:

1. Make sure the divorce is legal

Divorce can be said to be legally valid if there is physical evidence in the form of a divorce certificate issued by a religious court. This is important to make sure before you step into a more serious relationship. The validity of physical documents can prevent you from bad events that may occur in the future related to his past.

2. Ask how long your spouse has been divorced and how she feels about it

No couple is married to divorce. Divorce, even if desired by both parties, still causes deep pain and sorrow. Especially if the marriage has been blessed with a baby. Going through the dark days after the divorce process is not a short thing. Most people live with guilt after divorce.

When the two of you decide to get married, you need to find out how long she has been divorced and how she feels about the divorce. Does he still have past wounds or is healed and ready to start a new commitment. You have to make sure that the partner you are marrying is ready to make a new commitment because he is ready, not because of an escape due to his loneliness.

American psychologist and book author, Holly Parker, Ph.D. says that when your partner talks about his ex in an angry tone and continues to blame him, then you need to be careful, a sign that he is still stuck in past emotions or has trouble regulating emotions.

3. Ask if any boundaries have been drawn between her and her ex-partner

When you decide to marry a divorced person, you need to know the boundaries that exist between your spouse and your ex-husband / wife. This limit is useful for seeing the extent of the relationship and interference with your ex-partner with your partner.

For example, if your partner already has children. Of course, contact between your spouse and ex-partner will still be established even if it's just talking about children. You need to ask your partner to be clear and open about this.

In addition, as a potential legal partner, you also have the right to set healthy boundaries on your partner against your ex-husband / wife. This is intended to maintain privacy and tranquility for both of you as a couple. Not meant to be negative, but only to clarify which ones can still be done and which cannot. Boundaries must be set in advance to prevent unwanted distraction, don't wait for a problem just yet.

4. Find out how you feel

Married to someone who has been divorced will certainly be different when compared to people who have never been married at all. You need to think carefully whether you are ready with all the consequences that you will bear. Especially if your partner already has children.

Are you ready to become a spouse and parent right away? Are you ready to accept the possibility that their children will find it difficult to accept the presence of a new mother figure for them. You should also be prepared to keep watching your partner interact with their ex-spouse when talking about their child.

There are many more things you need to think about if you decide to marry someone who has been married. If you are ready with everything, this is a sign that you are ready to take a more serious step with it.