The negative impact of comparing partners with exes

Whether you realize it or not, you may have compared your current partner to a former ex. This is commonplace, but it can be a problem if you are wondering how you are currently feeling.

Memories with your ex will certainly make you feel happy, because you were so close. However, there are negative effects that can arise if you are constantly immersed in these memories, even comparing them with your partner.

The result of comparing a partner with an ex

Here are a list of reasons why you shouldn't compare your partner to other people, especially exes:

1. Generating negative emotions in relationships

Even without comparing, most people will easily feel jealous when their partner talks too often about their former lover. This is not a good start, because jealousy is the root of all conflicts.

Apart from causing jealousy, this behavior can also lead to feelings of guilt in your partner.

The reason is, he feels that he hasn't given the best for you. These feelings can gradually turn into prolonged negative emotions, such as stress.

2. Triggering disputes

When comparing your partner to your ex, your partner may see him as a threat to the relationship. As a result, you are more prone to fighting.

Unresolved disputes can become protracted. You also increasingly see your partner as a bad person. Instead of being resolved, disputes lead to new problems.

3. Make you keep a lot of things secret from your partner

Some people who often compare their partners with ex-lovers, usually tend to still be in contact with their exes. This is actually not a problem if done properly.

However, jealousy and conflict may mean that you have to have secret relationships with your ex. Even if your goal is to reduce conflict, it can actually keep you from keeping things a secret from your partner which can lead to a bigger conflict.

It's best not to compare your partner with your ex

Every time you start comparing your partners, try to think back and be grateful for what you liked about them. Gratitude can deepen a relationship and make you a better person.

You and your partner both have flaws. When these shortcomings lead to conflict, the solution is not to change each other, but rather to manage each other's emotions while talking heart to heart.

A healthy relationship consists of partners who are mutually positive about each other. When you show a positive attitude, your partner will do the same.

However, you also have the right to withdraw if your partner is clearly engaging in abusive or violent behavior.

The easiest examples of positive behavior are praising your partner when he does something good or giving support when he wants to do something.

You can also give small gifts as reminders of important moments.

Physical touch is no less important. Every now and then, try hugging, holding hands, stroking your hair, or engaging in other physical interactions that increase emotional intimacy and closeness.

There is always a way to stop comparing your partner to your ex. The key is understanding that your partner and ex are not the same person. Neither can you claim otherwise.

Both have given different influences, experiences, and feelings of happiness. The way they show their affection is also different. So, there is no advantage to be gained from comparing the two.