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Many say that parental divorce will have a negative impact on children's growth and development. Indeed, this is very common and possible. However, that doesn't mean you and your ex-partner can't prevent it. Actually, as long as you can still care for children together after divorce, this impact will not occur. This concept is called co-parenting. So, how can this co-parenting run smoothly?

Co-parenting, caring for children together after divorcing from a former spouse

So far, there are many opinions that state that children grow up in the family broken home or parental divorce will not grow well. It may be true that this can happen, but not all children who are divorced will experience it.

If co-parenting can be done well, then the assumptions attached to the child resulting from the divorce will not occur. In fact, there will be positive effects that can be obtained from caring for children together after divorcing from an ex.

By doing good co-parenting, children will still feel loved by both parents. In addition, children will also grow up to be more courageous in expressing their feelings and feelings. This will be very good for emotional development and mental health.

It's not easy to care for children with ex after divorce. However, for the sake of your little one, you and your ex will have to make some sacrifices. So, in order for this method to work, there are a number of things that must be considered when implementing co-parenting.

4 tips for successful co-parenting with your "ex"

Co-parenting or caring for children together after divorce is not easy, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. There are tips that can possibly guarantee your success in running co-parenting with an ex-partner, such as the following.

1. Put the past aside

Divorce is not easy. Maybe you feel hurt by what your ex-partner has done in the past. However, in undergoing co-parenting, you and your partner must put aside what has happened in the past.

Caring for children with ex after divorce is not about your or your ex's interests, but about how to meet physical and psychological needs, so that the child's future is not affected by the separation that occurs.

You may feel that your ex-partner is not a good partner and it is okay to complain about it to friends, family, or the psychiatrist you visited to release the burden on your thoughts, but don't demonize your partner in front of your children.

Also, don't involve your child in the problems you have with your ex, for example comparing yourself to your ex-spouse in front of your child or asking your child to choose between the two parents.

Your ex may not be a good match for you, but that doesn't mean he or she is a bad parent to your child.

2. Maintain good communication with your ex-partner

Another tip for successful caring for children together after divorce is to maintain good communication with your partner. You don't have to call him every day or every time, but you can keep all communication running smoothly and not causing new problems between you and your partner.

To make communication easier, make sure that the heart of any conversation and discussion that occurs between you and your partner is focused on the child. If you did not part well, try your best to contain any feelings or anger you had while communicating.

Avoid "hot" in a discussion such as blaming, criticizing, accusing, or threatening your ex-partner. Think of your relationship with your ex as a business relationship, so it's easier for you to be neutral, respectful, and talk more calmly.

In a discussion on achieving co-parenting success, listen carefully to what your partner has to say. Don't just reject what he said.

If you do disagree, make sure you understand his opinion and point of view. Make sure you are not disapproving because you hate it but because you feel there is a better alternative.

3. Assume your former team member

Co-parenting is a team that you have to work with with your ex-partner, or maybe even with your new partner. For the success of caring for children together with your ex after divorce, you must be able to work well together.

For example, all decisions made regarding children must be known and agreed upon by both parties, not yours or your ex's.

To make it easier, set the same rules for your children even if you are in a different "household". This is in order not to confuse children with the lifestyle they live.

These rules are very important especially in basic matters such as curfew rules, rules for doing school work, or other activities.

If there is something that your ex-partner can't agree on, try to break down the problem and solve it together. Do not 'walk separately' because co-parenting will not work if there is no cooperation between the two parents.

In order to have a positive co-parenting relationship, you must also provide support to your ex-partner as a parent to your child.

4. Arrange the schedule with the children as fair as possible

For a divorced child, it is not easy to move from one house to another all the time. Every meeting with one parent, he also has to be separated from other parents.

Don't complicate the situation by showing sadness or influencing their feelings. Instead, cultivate a positive feeling for you, your ex, and your child whenever your child has to change houses.

Likewise, if your child has just come to your house. Don't make the atmosphere uncomfortable. Always make time and do activities with the children.

If you have to meet with your ex-partner during the visit or pick-up time, make sure that whatever emotions you feel are not visible to your child, so that he can still feel that the relationship between the two parents is still fine even though they are separated.

Taking care of children together with ex after divorce is not easy, but you have to live it for the sake of stability of the child.

Understand the boundaries of co-parenting

In running co-parenting, there are still limits that you must have. You may care for your child with your ex as if nothing had changed in the relationship as a parent, but you are still not your partner anymore. For example, you do not have the right to control what goes on in your ex's household.

You may be able to discuss or harmonize decisions about children, but outside of that, you have no right or share in regulating or determining whatever happens. Even though your child will spend half the time at your ex-partner's house, you must abide by the boundaries.

Some limitations that you must understand when running co-parenting

• You have no right to know what happened to your ex. So, don't ask your child to report everything that happened while they were at your ex's house, especially about personal matters.
• You don't have the right to "have" your own children. In that sense, give your ex a fair amount of stay as agreed. When it's time for your child to live with your ex, don't hold back on his leaving.
• You do not have the right to vilify your ex in front of your children, because it is not necessarily that your ex-spouse is a bad parent to your child. Even if your ex is not a good partner for you, your ex is still a parent who loves your child.
• You have no right to dictate to your child to take sides. You and your ex-spouse are both parents and have the same rights and obligations. Don't take your child's right to love from both parents by asking them to choose between their father and mother.

The best thing you can do is control and properly organize the household that you are living at the moment.

Focus on creating a positive environment and atmosphere for your child and provide emotional support to the child so that when he grows up he realizes that even though his parents have divorced, you as the parent have done your best to keep the child with your ex after the divorce. Moreover, if you and your ex can do co-parenting well so that your child can appreciate both parents at the same time.

Photo courtesy of: South China Morning Post