Table of contents:
- What is meant by jealousy?
- Like what, healthy jealousy?
- Then, what is unhealthy jealousy like?
- What to do if you feel jealous of your partner?
Many people justify jealousy of their partner when he is just a little "acting up". Seeing her busy stealing other women's glances, it felt like my heart was burning hot - "Who was that girl ?!". Although it is draining, people say that jealousy is a sign of love. But, is it true? To what extent is jealousy still healthy, and where is jealousy that is destructive and almost becomes possessive-obsessive?
What is meant by jealousy?
Jealousy is a natural human instinct, which is felt when a threat (be it a thing or someone) is deemed to endanger his or her existence. Jealousy makes you feel uncomfortable, unappreciated, sensitive, angry, sad, frustrated, and can even lead to anxiety or depression. Even so, jealousy is a natural and normal thing for every human being.
Like what, healthy jealousy?
According to psychologist Anne Stirling Hastings, jealousy is normal and necessary when you are in a relationship. However, you and your partner must first know what each other wants in the relationship and build mutually agreed boundaries. For example, suppose the two of you agree on a rule not to go out alone with your ex. Jealousy is a sign that you appreciate the commitments that you previously made, and will be disappointed if those commitments are broken.
The jealousy you experience is also an expression that you care and want your relationship with your partner to last. The reason is, jealousy causes a surge in the levels of the hormones testosterone and cortisol in your body. These two hormones make you have the desire to hold on to your partner whenever jealousy hits you. This is also reinforced by the increased activity of the lateral septum, the part of the brain that plays a role in controlling emotions and bonding with partners.
Therefore, you will do everything you can to maintain your relationship. For example, by paying more attention to the needs of a partner (both physical needs such as food or emotional needs such as being listened to). So, jealousy acts as an alarm to remind you that a love affair should always be nurtured, not just let it go.
However, Hastings stated that jealousy can be considered healthy when you are still able to think logically, not to exaggerate the problem so that it is allowed to drag on. If you feel jealous, tell him directly instead of scolding and ending up fighting unnecessarily.
For example like this. You suspect a third party in your relationship. At a time like this, you shouldn't let jealousy run wild in your heart. Healthy jealousy is when you are able to calm down and start talking about the problem with your partner. You can speak freely without being blinded by emotion.
As long as your partner explains the answers to your questions, you should listen carefully and put aside excessive suspicion. If this jealousy can be resolved and passed properly, this can actually strengthen the love and commitment between you and your partner.
Then, what is unhealthy jealousy like?
The difference between healthy and unhealthy jealousy can actually be distinguished from how you deal with it. If you turn obsessive and exhibit possessive behavior, such as checking your partner's cellphone, checking text messages and chats, answering incoming calls, curious -in Facebook and email, to secretly following your partner wherever he goes - be careful, this could be a sign of unhealthy jealousy. There are even some people who are jealous to prevent their partners from leaving the house or ask them not to be friends with someone they envy.
With the threat of fear and thoughts that are constantly haunted by negative things, no doubt you will accuse your partner of having an affair. Not infrequently this unhealthy jealousy can lead to conflict, separation, or even violence in the relationship.
What to do if you feel jealous of your partner?
One of the things that can help reduce feelings of jealousy and discomfort is to build trust in yourself and in your partner. Always instill in your relationship that communication is important in a relationship. You and the he must both commit to open up to each other when problems hit, especially about jealousy.
Expressing jealousy with anger, subtle sarcasm, or accusing your partner of all kinds of things will not make the atmosphere better. You will not be able to answer your feelings. It's always good to communicate well with a cool head. Then, explain your feelings and discuss together how to find a solution. This will allow you to feel more relieved, content to speak out and prevent your partner from being confused by your jealous behavior.
