The wrong reason for marriage can make a marriage less harmonious

Many people marry for different reasons. From wanting to get married because they have been alone for a long time, feeling lonely and needing friends, wanting a more secure life, to wanting to carry a baby immediately. However, after getting married some people actually regretted the decision. This is because they got married for the wrong reasons. Then how do you make sure whether someone's choice to marry their potential partner is the right decision? Is the wrong reason for marriage can make household life not harmonious in the future? Find the answer here.

Getting married is a big decision, it needs careful consideration

Getting married can be the most beautiful procession that will be remembered for a lifetime. For some people, getting married is the main gateway to a whole new life.

In fact, marriage can also be a gateway to new health conditions. Marriage is proven to provide various benefits. However, unhealthy marriages are proven to bring people who experience them with various diseases.

A 2005 study quoted from WebMD proved that unsatisfactory marriages for their partners increase stress levels and worsen health. Another study cited from the same source states that people with unhappy relationships are at risk of developing heart disease.

Indeed, the above studies do not conclusively prove that a good marriage will make you healthy and vice versa, a bad marriage will make you sick. However, the bottom line is that a bad marriage is not good for you.

In fact, you can prevent this unhealthy marriage relationship in the first place. Prevention can be done since you just thought about getting married. The reason for getting married that is not right could be that your future marriage relationship becomes unhealthy or disharmonious.

Are you sure you want to tie the knot for the rest of your life for these reasons?

Before getting married, there are several considerations that every couple usually thinks about. Of course there are various hopes and fantasies that develop which are formed from the relationship that is being lived before marriage. This hope is often used as the most serious consideration in deciding whether to marry or not.

For example, "Even though we just met, we felt like we had known each other for a long time," or, "I will definitely live happily with him forever,".

As it turns out, these hopes are not necessarily a strong enough reason to get married. The reason is, such thoughts arise due to hormonal activity in the brain that makes you feel comfortable for a while. However, later on after some time in marriage, you may get other realities that are different from what you originally dreamed. In other words, the above reasons are not very good reasons to start a marriage.

Shauna H Springer Ph.D., a psychologist from the VA Northern California Relationship Seminar Series who studies marriage issues, expresses her opinion regarding the reasons for marriage at Psychology Today. According to Shauna, there are three inappropriate reasons for marriage. For more details, consider the three reasons below.

1. Married because of anxiety

"All my friends from SD, SMP, and SMA have let go of their bachelor's years. Can't I? " Often think like this? Or you've thought about it, “He comes up to me and talks right away, obviously this is a golden opportunity. If I don't accept it now, I'm not sure there will be another chance in the future."

These statements are based on fear and anxiety. You may fear that if you don't get married soon, you'll fall behind other people and won't be successful in life. Or you believe that by getting married, those feelings of fear will go away very soon.

People who have the reasons above, may really believe that the spouse he is marrying is a "cure" for your fears. However, when the fear does not go away, the brain will tell you that your "medicine" is not working. The impact could be that the age of marriage is only as long as corn.

2. Get married because you feel something is missing from your life or yourself

"He loves me to death and he will always make me feel special." Does this sentence describe how you feel about your partner? Or do you want to hurry up and get married because you need assurance that someone will be with you?

If you want to get married for these reasons, you may be a person who lacks confidence. You hope that by getting married you can fill a void in you. You believe that the only thing that can make you worthy enough in the eyes of others or in your own eyes is your status as someone's husband or wife.

In fact, your potential partner is not necessarily the right person for you. It could also be that in your heart you are not ready to fully commit to other people, but you cannot resist the desire to get married.

3. Married so that life will be easier

Why do you want to get married? So that someone will buy you a house or help you pay off your mortgage? Or so that someone will cook for you every day? Or is it because you are tired of going back and forth to find a partner without certainty? It could also be because just by getting married, you can do things that a husband and wife should do.

The various reasons for getting married above are called pragmatic reasons. If you are a pragmatic person, then simply you marry a partner because it is profitable for you.

Don't get me wrong. It's okay, really, if you get married because you have certain needs that must be met. However, such reasons for marriage are unhealthy if you neglect other important factors in making a marriage decision. For example, you don't really know the characteristics of your potential partner or family in depth.

It is not uncommon for couples who marry for pragmatic reasons to end up feeling dissatisfied with their marriage. The reason is, in the midst of marriage, you may just realize that a healthy relationship is not just a matter of delicious cooking or luxury homes. You have to be able to unite two different people and this is not easy.

What if I got married for the wrong reason?

For people who are currently experiencing household problems, it is easy to feel hopeless. Whatever the reason for marrying you in the past, now it's like rice has turned porridge. However, that does not mean that your marriage relationship can no longer be saved. There are still many things you can do to correct mistakes in the past and present, for a better future.

• Don't underestimate the stress you experience. Try to find a way to solve it. Overcoming stress together is certainly lighter than dealing with it alone.
• Be open about how you feel. Try to speak well of what you are feeling. Even though it is a pretty harsh reality, for example, you feel bored with your partner. Keeping the feelings you are feeling from your partner will not solve the problem at hand.
• Listen carefully curhatan couple. If your partner is talking about various things, try to listen and respond well. Indifference is certainly not liked by couples.
• Stop blaming each other. Problems in a marriage relationship may seem like they continue to arise without stopping. Focus on solving and avoid blaming each other.
• Mutual respect. When you are discouraged, you may continue to think negative thoughts. Now, try to look more closely at the various important roles your partner plays in your life. Appreciate your partner for their role. Therefore, the little things that your partner does, such as cooking or driving, should not be underestimated.
• Let it treat time. Not all words or actions that are annoying from your partner should be taken seriously, even brought up. There are other, of course, bigger problems that could arise in the future. Every now and then, let yourself forget yourself. The point is, don't be defeated by your own emotions or ego.