Shame makes you sad? this is a way to neutralize it

Everyone feels embarrassed at some point in time. From simple things such as embarrassment for making trivial mistakes to embarrassment because there are important things that tarnish your identity or good name out there.

Because everyone has experienced it, it does not mean that this feeling will forever remain in us. This must be prevented, and certain feelings of shame must be forgotten so that it does not affect you in the future. How to make peace with shame?

What does shame really mean?

There are three types of shame we may feel. The first is shame for having done something wrong that is not wrong morally or socially. For example, falling over in public or in the wrong costume. Meanwhile, the second shame can arise when you do something that is considered violating moral, ethical, or social norms. Suppose you find out that your coworker is embezzling company money, but you don't do anything to stop it.

The third shame is actually more about wanting to mingle like the people around him, but he can't because he is different. An example is a cancer patient whose hair loss due to chemotherapy. He may feel embarrassed at school because he looks different from his peers.

Shame can also be marked physically, among others, with a flushed face, wide-eyed shock due to embarrassment. These feelings also produce a desire to hide, disappear, or worse, even commit suicide.

How to make peace with shame?

Actually, shame is useful to prevent someone from doing things that deviate from social norms and values. However, constantly sinking into shame won't help you move on.

Therefore, you need to make peace with the shame. Even though it's not easy, you can take the following five steps.

1. Notice what triggers the shame to come

First, try evaluating and writing down anything that makes you feel embarrassed. This may be difficult at first, because it is undeniable that you are also embarrassed to remember and express it to yourself.

Understand deeply why you feel embarrassed, can shame be removed, what can make you less embarrassed, and how to anticipate yourself so as not to become more embarrassed. Once you know what you're embarrassed about, you can begin to study the triggers and solve your anxiety.

2. Change your mind

Sometimes, negative thoughts can be toxic to the shame you already have. By constantly thinking negatively such as, "What will people say about me later?" or, "What if I get labeled a shame for the rest of my life?" You can drown yourself in negative thoughts. This thought will not make you any better. What is there is even more embarrassed and worse off.

Your job is to cultivate shyness by challenging your own thinking. For example, you are embarrassed because you have to repeat a lot of courses in the next semester. Instead of feeling embarrassed and discouraged from learning, challenge yourself. For example, by saying, “I do have to repeat several courses, but this semester I will be more enthusiastic and diligent. After all, not repeating a course is not a guarantee for a quick graduation and success."

3. Accept yourself, if you do feel embarrassed

No one wants to feel embarrassed or humiliated. However, when that happens, you can't just erase it from memory. The first thing you have to do is accept that you feel shame. You shouldn't deny it and think of yourself as just fine.

You have to accept the shame to be able to fight it. By acknowledging your feelings, you can also become a confident and positive person again. This self-acceptance is more important than having to continually cover up the shame you have.

4. Stay away from people who make your shyness reappear

It can be annoying when there are still people who keep reminding you about the embarrassing thing that happened. If there are still people who are like that, or are deliberately offending to make you more embarrassed, it's good to avoid these "poisonous" people.

You have the right to choose who will be around you and who will not. Surround yourself with people who support, understand, and love you.

5. Forgive yourself

Letting go of things, people, or events that make you embarrassed is a surefire way you can reconcile yourself from feelings of shame. As mentioned above, everyone has mistakes and feels ashamed. Then, why do you become a person who is plunged into shame?

One or two embarrassing incidents or two will not be a life sentence against your identity and your life. So, it's better to get up, forgive the mistakes you've ever done, and now focus on improving yourself.