First time sex: 6 things you must know & bull; hello healthy

No matter what your background, age, or experience, first sex is an experience that creates mixed feelings. It's normal to feel anxious when thinking about your first time, but you can - and should - prepare as much as possible physically and mentally as you can before the awaited day arrives.

Here are the ins and outs of the first sex questions that you must know when you are ready to move on to the next level.

1. Will sex the first time be painful?

When it comes to sex, worrying about pain is the most common topic of conversation - and it's normal to feel that way. Many women think that losing their virginity will be painful. If the hymen is torn, surely we will feel pain, right?

Reena Liberman, MS, a sex therapist, quoted from Her Campus, explained that having sex for the first time might feel a little uncomfortable. You may also feel a little pressure. But, sex shouldn't cause excessive pain.

If you experience unbearable pain during sex, stop and talk to your partner. This can indicate that you are tense and nervous, need a different position, longer foreplay, more lubrication, or your partner is too fast. Pain can also be a combination of these.

Pain during sex is also very common and affects men, especially during the first time anal sex.

2. Will the vagina bleed?

Along with the tearing of the hymen, it's normal to experience bleeding during and after sex for the first time. Some women experience light spotting, some women don't even bleed at all.

But if the amount of blood is more than that, such as bleeding profusely and pooling like a stab wound, this may indicate that something is wrong (or maybe you are menstruating). According to Liberman, every woman has a different size and thickness of the hymen, so this can determine how much bleeding you will experience, although the hymen may not tear during sex.

It's also important to remember, your hymen can tear even if you have never had intercourse before, such as when using a tampon, during masturbation, or even with vigorous exercise like cycling. A woman may not know her hymen has been damaged, because tearing does not always cause pain or bleeding, and in rare cases, a woman may not be born with a hymen.

3. Women may not have an orgasm during the first sex

A man can think about sex, have an erection, receive a little stimulation, then ejaculate. But for women, the likelihood of having an orgasm the first time you have sex is low.

Susan Ernst, a doctor at the Health Service Women's Health Clinic at the University of Michigan, says it's normal for women not to orgasm during sex for the first time because they're not used to having intimate interactions with their partners. "Absence of orgasms will be even more common when women are not familiar with their own bodies and what it may take to reach that climax stage," she said. "When women feel more comfortable with their partners and their partners know themselves, and women understand themselves, orgasms are more likely to occur."

However, there are things you can do to increase your chances of orgasm, such as foreplay. The type of foreplay that is preferred will be different for each woman, so it is better that you experiment with your partner and don't give up.

4. What is foreplay - is it necessary to do it?

The first way to have sex that you can consider is to do foreplay. Foreplay can be said to be a warm-up round to help prepare your mind and body for sex. Many women need to be kissed, hugged, and comfortable and safe to trigger vaginal lubrication, and this is essential for a pleasant, painless experience of sex. The way the vaginal canal works is that once you are aroused, the vaginal walls swell and open to make penetration easier. If there is no arousal prior to penetration, sex can be painful.

Reporting from WebMD, "It is very important for women to do foreplay because women need longer time (than men) to build the stimulation needed to orgasm," said Ruth Westheimer, EdD, psychosexual therapist, professor at New York University, and lecturer at Yale and Princeton University.

But remember, foreplay is just as important for men. The first sex can be a wonderful experience for both parties if you understand your body and what you each want from your partner. So, it never hurts to experiment a little.

5. Can you get a venereal disease if you and your partner are still virgins?

If two virgins who have never had a history of venereal disease decide to have sex for the first time, it is unlikely that they will contract venereal disease from each other.

However, just because someone claims to be a virgin does not mean they are not guaranteed from venereal disease. Sexually transmitted infections are not only transmitted through penetration of the genitals. It is possible that one of you has had some other type of sex, for example, unprotected anal or oral sex, with someone who is infected with a venereal disease, even if you consider yourself a “virgin”.

In addition, it is also possible that one of you has a sexually transmitted disease, such as HIV / AIDS, from a non-sexual transmission method, such as from using needles or being passed from mother to child (although this is rare). Considering using a condom until you have both been tested for HIV and other contagious infections is the best move.

6. Is it necessary to use a condom when having sex for the first time?

Condoms are one of the must-have types of protection if you are determined to have sex for the first time (and any time after that!). This is because condoms are the only effective way to protect you against sexually transmitted diseases and infections.

Having sex for the first time also does not guarantee that you are free from the risk of pregnancy. To prevent unwanted pregnancies (if that is your concern), you may want to think about using birth control, either independently or as a condom “complement”. If you reach a moment in a relationship with your partner where you don't feel the need to use a condom, you can talk to your health care provider or obstetrician about the right form of birth control for your situation.

Most importantly, the first (and so on) sex should be consensual

Sexual communication is the key to having a happy and healthy sexual relationship. One of them is by giving and getting consent (consensual). Consent is an agreement entered into between all parties to engage in sexual activity, and this has to happen all the time.

Giving consent for one activity at a time, does not guarantee consent to continue to the next level or repeated sexual contact. For example, agreeing to kiss someone does not give that person permission to take off your clothes. A history of previous sex in the past also does not allow your current sexual partner to have sex with you again in the future.

The best way to make sure both parties are comfortable with sexual activity is to talk about it. Saying verbally to agree to different sexual activities can help you and your partner respect each other's boundaries. It is very important to clearly communicate to your partner that you are no longer comfortable with this activity and want to quit. Remember that "no" is "no". So, there is no other way to break it.

But agreement doesn't have to be verbal. You can withdraw consent at any point of sexual activity if you feel uncomfortable. Being under the influence of drugs or alcohol is not the same as consent. Likewise, forcing someone to engage in sexual activity using fear or intimidation.