If the child shows a sign

As a parent who has noticed signs of sexual abuse in your child, you will definitely find it difficult to accept the situation. However, you don't want to lose control and make your child feel even more guilty. First of all, calm yourself and investigate what really happened by asking your child about the series of events he has experienced.

However, before you ask questions, there are a few things you need to know regarding the psychology of your child.

Understand children's fears after experiencing sexual abuse

Children who have experienced any form of sexual violence will have various fears that make it difficult for them to share their experiences, such as:

• Fear that the perpetrator might harm himself or his family
• Afraid people will not believe and turn to blame him
• Worried that your parents will be angry or upset with them
• The fear that disclosing the incident will disturb the family, especially if the perpetrator is a close relative or family member
• The fear that if he did tell he would be taken away and separated from the family

The child's ability to disclose incidents of abuse or violence, based on age

Infant (0-18 months)

At this age, children are not able to express physical or sexual violence against themselves. A case can only be proven if there is an eye witness, the perpetrator confesses by himself, or there is a sexually transmitted disease, sperm or semen during the examination.

Toddler (18-36 months)

This age group is the most common group to be mistreated. Because their communication is still limited, they will not be able to report the violence and harassment that has happened to them. They may imitate sexual acts with their own bodies, with other children, or with dolls. Toddlers cannot properly order the time and place of occurrence. Only a few children in this age group are aware of what to do and what not to do with their body parts.

Toddler (3-5 years)

This age is also the common age for cases of physical and sexual violence. Their ability to give a witness was very limited. They tend to have concrete thoughts with an egocentric world so during the interview, they cannot conceptualize their thoughts and will also be easily distracted and tend to say “don't know”.

Elementary School Age (6-9 years)

At this age, they are able to hide facts from their parents in a more convincing way and are also able to keep secrets about sexual violence that they experience. This is because they have been associated with teachers, friends, and others, so they have more information that what they have experienced is something bad.

This age group has been able to tell complete events, such as the place and time of the incident. However, fear of the perpetrator, confusion, embarrassment, fear of being scolded, and fear of going to prison are all factors that make them lie.

Puberty (9-13 years)

The prepubescent period is usually more comfortable with interviewers of the same sex. Not only do they feel uncomfortable with sexual harassment, they also tend to be awkward and aware of what their bodies have been through. The hormones that develop in them will make them frustrated and burst into tears for no apparent reason. The worst possibility is when they start to challenge their social acceptance by doing things that are rebellious such as stealing, abusing drugs, and leading to casual sex.

Youth (13 years and over)

They will have difficulty accepting the fact that they need help, whether by counseling, legal, medical, etc. Freedom is highly valued by them, they do not want to depend on their parents emotionally, so the interview will be more difficult. The worst possibility they will do as a result of sexual violence is by aggressive behavior, failure in school, promiscuity, using drugs, to suicide.

How to talk to children to explore the possibility of sexual abuse

If you are worried about your child's case, talk to her. However, keep in mind to avoid bullying conversations, so that your child will open up more to you. Especially for toddlers and toddlers, the questions asked must be more specific and avoid questions with a "yes" or "no" answer.

Choose the time and place carefully

Choose a comfortable room and avoid talking in front of someone who will disturb the comfort of the child.

Maintain a relaxed tone

If you start a conversation on a serious tone, it can scare your child. They will be more likely to answer with the answer they think you want, and not an actual answer. So, try to make the conversation more relaxed. A less serious tone will help you to get accurate information from your child.

Talk directly with children

Use the vocabulary appropriate for your child, but look for words that have multiple meanings such as, "Has anyone touched you?". The word "touching" can have other meanings, but this word is familiar to your child's ear, so the child will respond with a statement or comment that can help you investigate this case such as, "Nothing, only the mother touched me while taking a shower," or, "You mean, like my cousin who touches me sometimes?" This is especially good for children who don't understand the pros and cons of sexual harassment, so using the word "hurt" won't actually lead your child to provide the information you expect.

Listen and follow up on children's answers

When your child feels comfortable talking to you, let him or her talk, then pause. After that, you can follow up on any points that make you feel worried.

Avoid judging and blaming children

Avoid using questions and statements that begin with the subject “I”, as this may seem like blaming the child. For example, if you are a father, then don't say, "Daddy became worried when he heard your story", but say it like this, "You told me something that made me worried…"

Assure children that they are innocent

Make sure your child knows that he will not be punished or scolded. Let your child only know that you are asking the question out of concern, not because you are aware of the possibility of sexual abuse.

Be patient

Remember that conversations like this can be very frightening for the child, because many perpetrators threaten their victims about what happens when the victim tells them about sexual violence that she has committed. The perpetrator may threaten the victim with the lure of entering the victim into an orphanage, threatening the safety of the victim, or threatening a loved one with physical violence.

After a child admits sexual abuse, what should be done?

When your child has opened up to you about sexual violence, there are several important things that you should do:

1. Stay calm

Your child will see your behavior as a signal that they will be okay. Sexual abuse can change a child's view of the world. However, no matter how broken your heart is, you should reassure your child that he will be okay, and say that he is not a "broken thing."

2. Believe what the child says

You have to believe everything your child says. The trust you give will let him know that you love him and will help him anytime.

3. Restore a sense of security in children

Restoring security is very important. Sexual violence in children can make them lose control, so parents must provide protection to children. You can also help your child feel secure by showing your willingness to protect their privacy.

4. Don't let children beat themselves up

Make the child believe that he did not cause the incident. Tell him that he can't be blamed because he didn't know it was going to happen. Many parents also blame their children for hiding the incident or not telling them sooner. Remember, children have their own psychological burdens such as the kinds of fear they have described above.

5. Beware of expressing anger

Anger is normal when you find out that your child has been sexually abused. However, your anger can cause your child to blame himself for making you angry. So, find a place away from your child to express your anger.

6. Ask for expert assistance

Many people are tempted to take matters into their own hands. However, this can be a new problem that can isolate your child in need of support. Ask a child sexual abuse psychologist for help on the journey to recovery.