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We often think that a child who likes tantrums and throws a tantrum is a sign that the child is unruly. In fact, according to Sarah Ockwell-Smith, founder of the parent-child learning program BabyCalm, at The Telegraph, how annoying your child's tantrums are, this is an integral part of the child's development process.
During their developmental years, children will test their own boundaries, gain autonomy, touch everything in their path, have an overflow of energy, and can be very stubborn. Tantrums generally occur because children have strong emotions that they can't, and don't know how, to handle.
“Toddler brains are different from adult brains, even from older children's brains. They do not have good self-control and emotional regulation. So when adults think it's inappropriate to go berserk for no reason in public, toddlers won't understand, "says Ockwell-Smith," They're going to do it anyway, because tantrums are biological."
When your toddler has tantrums at home, it's easy to get over them. You can put your little one in his room, go away, or ask someone at home to calm him down. But, what about when a child is tantrums in a public place, at the mall, for example, when you are shopping and he whines asking to buy him his favorite snack? Not to mention the judgmental stares from people around you, making it difficult for you to handle your little one's tantrum.
Just ignore it
Scolding your little one will actually make his emotions worse. What's more, if you punish her tantrums. Your little one will start to keep anger and frustration in yourself. Of course this is not healthy for him.
Jay Hoecker, MD, a pediatrician from Minnesota, quoted from parents.com, likened the tantrum process to a drowning situation. "When you see a person drowning in a lake, you can't scold him or teach him to swim right away, can you?"
The reason is, during tantrums, babies will not have a clear mind. He will be completely controlled by his emotions. These overflowing emotions “colonize” the child's frontal cortex, the area of decision-making and judgment. "Therefore, persuading will not bring results, let alone force or scold, because the part of his brain that can do this is not working," explained Hoecker.
There's nothing you can do right now to make it better. Just remember that your little one (and other young children) are entitled to tantrums, but you have the right not to get involved in the tantrums. So, just ignore it!
The purpose of tantrums is to get your attention. When you coax or force your little one to stop whining, you are encouraging your child to do tantrums at a later date because he gets what he wants: your attention, good or bad.
If you and your little one are in a shop when he suddenly gets tantrums, don't give any reaction, not even eye contact. If the whining gets worse, get out of the store and find a quiet place for your child to release his anger until he's satisfied. Meanwhile, you can play your cellphone, read a book, or take a break. When he is tired of whining and recovering from tantrums, then you talk to him or continue shopping.
It's not that you are a bad parent to ignore a child in tantrums. Crying and whining during tantrums actually helps children to vent their emotions in a non-destructive way. They can grunt, heal themselves, and regain self-control, all on their own without getting involved in screaming fights with you.
Hug
When you see your child throw a tantrum, maybe a hug is the last thing you can think of. Child tantrums make us as adults tend to get emotional too. However, as a parent, staying calm is the best step you can take.
A hug can make your child feel safe and know that you care, even if you disagree with his behavior. But, not just any hug. Give your little one a firm hug, not a lullaby to lull, and don't say anything while you hold your little one.
"Tantrums become a big problem when parents give up too quickly or too often, teaching children that to get what they want, tantrums are the best solution," said Diane Ryals, family life educator at the University of Illinois, quoted from sheknows.com.
Careful preparation
Keep in mind that children and toddlers are more likely to vent when they are hungry or tired. So, if you are going to do your monthly groceries, for example, make sure that your little one leaves full and well rested.
While you're shopping, it's a good idea to fill your bag with "weapons" to keep your child busy on his own or use it as a distraction when he shows signs of tantrums. Bring along your candy, biscuits, favorite toy, or tablet gadget. These items may seem trivial, but they can be powerful help in an emergency.
In addition, establishing ground rules when walking around the store will also do a lot to reduce the risk of tantrums. Before you reach your destination, you can explain to your little one that the purpose of going to the mall is just to buy food, not ice cream or new toys.
Frustration is also the cause of children like tantrums. If you know the mall you are going to have a candy store or your child's favorite toy, be sure to take the time to visit that place or think twice about walking around the mall. Thinking about her possible reactions, consequences, and alternatives doesn't mean you give up; that is, you are being a wise parent.
