When couples often talk about exes, what should we do?

Everyone must have longed for a harmonious relationship with a partner. However, naturally in a relationship, your love life will certainly not always run smoothly and will run into various obstacles in the middle. Whether serious or even trivial things can trigger conflict. One of the things that is often faced is the habit of couples who like to talk about their ex-lovers.

Why do couples often talk about their exes?

The following possibilities could be the reason your partner often talks about your ex:

1. Show that he is experienced

The habit of discussing your ex is not because he is still in love with his previous partner. Sometimes, he just wants to look cool and let you know that he is very experienced when it comes to romance.

2. Want to make you jealous

Maybe you just don't realize you've been ignoring it a lot in the last few days. Even a little talk about your ex is inevitably used as a means of hoping it will get your attention. Your jealous reaction will give your partner satisfaction.

3. Want you to be better than your ex

There are some things about his ex that you don't have. Maybe you can't cook her favorite food or you often forget about the things she likes. This ex's conversation habit will emerge when your partner thinks of things from his ex that made him happy.

4. His ex is his first love

Of course, you often hear that first love is something that will be remembered for the rest of your life. If your ex is your partner's first love, then it's no surprise that the habit of talking about your past while you were together is no surprise. First love can be an important figure that helps your partner understand the feelings of love.

5. Your partner believes in you

He wants you to get to know him better, including telling him who he's been in a previous relationship with. Couples also want to create a relationship that is mutually open and honest with each other, even though the method often makes you uncomfortable.

Tips for dealing with a partner who likes to talk about ex

It's natural to feel hurt and worried about each partner discussing your ex. It is not uncommon for this conversation to be a big influence for the continuation of a relationship. When this is done too often, as a result you will feel compared or doubt that your partner is just making you their escape.

Here are things you can do when faced with these situations.

1. The former is just a thing of the past

Whenever you feel bad about your partner's true feelings, emphasize in your mind that the story with your ex is in the past. If your partner starts to show signs of getting back to talking about your ex, distract them by talking about things you've done together.

For example, if your partner starts talking about their favorite place with their ex, you could reply with, “Oh yeah? The place is interesting, but I know a better place than this."

2. Invite your partner to see it from your side

When your ex's habitual discussion becomes even more annoying, try telling him nicely that you are not comfortable with his behavior. Ask your partner back like, “Let you know what it feels like to be me, are you comfortable if I keep going talking about it my ex?"

3. Ask your partner to put away memories of your ex

Gently ask your partner to get rid of things that will remind him of his ex, whether it's photos that are still on his phone or things your ex gave him. Also, limit the time to look back at your ex's profile on social media by inviting him to do other activities.

4. Dealing with the past together

If the methods above don't work, what you can do is accept the past as part of his life. Especially if the previous relationship was long enough. Sometimes her ex's name will slip out when your partner finds things that remind her of past relationships. This is of course normal and will usually disappear over time.

Too restricting and scolding him every time this happens will not make your partner feel happy and it will actually cause discomfort. In fact, it is possible that your relationship will end sooner.

Remember that mutual trust and patience are the keys to maintaining a relationship. It is important to ensure that there is sufficient communication between you and your partner so that they do not create misunderstandings that can lead to conflict.