BDSM sex is not the same as sexual assault

The government issued a discourse on the prohibition of BDSM practices in sexual activities through the proposed Family Resilience Bill (RUU) for 2020. Although the form of its activities is identical to sadistic and unusual acts, BDSM is actually completely different from acts of sexual violence.

BDSM is a sexual activity that is done with consent or consent, and is done to please every party involved in it. Unlike sexual violence which takes away the rights of a party, BDSM can actually increase sexual pleasure and strengthen emotional bonds with a partner.

Difference between BDSM and sexual violence

BDSM is a variety of sexual activities that involve practice bondage and discipline (slavery and discipline), dominance and submission (dominance and submission), or sadism and masochism (sadism and masochism). All of these activities aim to obtain the satisfaction of having sex.

In the BDSM relationship, there is a dominant person who is in control and there is someone who takes the role as an obedient submissive. Although submissive is subject to dominance, BDSM is conducted on the principle of communication and equal agreement.

Misrepresentation in films, media, and so on often makes BDSM misinterpreted as sexual deviations, even acts of violence. In fact, both are different things.

Launching the National Domestic Violence Hotline page, here are some differences:

1. The agreement of both parties

Consent is of key importance in sexual relations, and this aspect becomes even more important in BDSM practice. For both the dominant and the submissive, both need to give clear consent in a conscious state prior to engaging in any sexual activity.

Like other types of relationships, BDSM is also not without risks. This activity can cause accidents, injuries, and psychological effects such as heartache and stress after sex. Consent is an essential ingredient in preventing these effects.

Sexual violence differs from BDSM in that it is not carried out with consent and is only for the benefit of the perpetrator. There is no dominant or submissive role, only the perpetrators and the victims.

2. Clear communication and rules

BDSM relationships involve clear communication and rules. Not infrequently, couples who undergo BDSM even have signed black and white rules. This rule is what makes BDSM practice safe, even though it involves actions that seem sadistic.

BDSM and sexual violence are very different because both dominant and submissive parties have the right to express their desires. The submissive has the right to participate in negotiations when drafting the rules. He has the right to refuse any sexual activity that he dislikes or makes him uncomfortable with.

Meanwhile, sexual violence is an act without rules, negotiation, or communication. The victim is not in a safe and comfortable situation, because there are no boundaries or negotiations from the start just like a BDSM relationship.

3. The purpose of each action

BDSM aims to please both parties. The submissive does accept sadistic behavior, pain, and is humiliated by the dominant. However, all of this is done in a controlled situation with due regard to the submissive's comfort.

Through this treatment, the dominant and submissive parties together build a bond of mind and trust between one another. They also show mutual respect in their own way.

Unlike BDSM, sexual violence does not involve a partner's security, trust and respect. The perpetrator takes his actions to frighten, terrorize, and show the victim that he has power.

4. Whether or not there is control on both sides

Apart from clear rules, one more factor that makes BDSM safe is control on both parties. This control comes from safe word or the 'safe word'. Safe word used by the submissive to control the situation when at any time sexual activity has exceeded the set limit.

Once the submissive says safe word the dominant person must stop the sexual activity he is engaging in, regardless of its form. This does not make the dominant person the weaker, but rather shows that he cares about his partner's safety.

This is also what distinguishes BDSM and sexual violence. Sexual violence knows no boundaries or safe word . When violence occurs, the victim cannot stop the perpetrator's actions so that it endangers him.

Boundary between BDSM and sexual violence

BDSM is often seen as a sexual disorder or psychiatric disorder. In fact, BDSM that is done safely can be a way of realizing sexual fantasies that make the relationship even more burning.

Even though it is quite attached to a negative stigma, it turns out that BDSM practice is more common than it seems. A 2005 global survey found that as many as 36% of adults admit to having tried BDSM during sexual intercourse.

Not only that, several studies have also found positive impacts from BDSM practice. According to deep studies The Journal of Sexual Medicine , BDSM practitioners tend to be less irritable, more enthusiastic about new experiences, and eager to do something right.

They are also more open, more resistant to rejection, and generally have a more prosperous mental state. This is what then becomes the big difference between BDSM and sexual assault.

However, keep in mind that BDSM can only be done by trained people. This practice still carries great risks so it should not be done carelessly without related knowledge.

BDSM or casual sex, all have their own uniqueness. Some people may enjoy intimate relationships with a little sadistic spices, but loving sex can not hurt. Whatever your taste, the most important thing is to do it safely based on the agreement of both parties.

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