A love triangle doesn't have to end in grief: 3 tips for determining which one

Being stuck in a love triangle is like stopping at a crossroads without knowing what awaits you at the end of your journey. Choosing person A, you are afraid of hurting the feelings of Person B (and maybe afraid of losing the happiness that he has been offering, but not by Person A). Vice versa. The more you get caught in this situation, the more likely you are to lose both. So, what should I do?

As a human being, it's natural to love two (or more) people at once

We often assume that attraction to other people will disappear once we explore a commitment, whether it's dating or married. In fact, attraction is a natural human instinct that will remain forever and cannot be avoided. This is because when we look at other people, the brain will start processing the visual information we see and make instant judgments based on a person's attractiveness.

This instinct is based on the unconscious impulse of the brain inherited from ancient humans who value sex as a purely biological activity for reproduction in order to increase its chances of having more offspring in the world and ensure our species survive.

That is why many experts say that it is not impossible to love two or more people. Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., a psychology professor from UCLA even compared a love triangle to an ice cream. Chocolate and strawberry ice cream tastes different, but they are both delicious. It's even more delicious if you combine it all at once, like the taste of Neapolitan ice cream. But of course, love is not as easy as choosing the taste of ice cream, right?

Durvasula then added that humans are complicated creatures in terms of feelings. You can find inner satisfaction by building relationships with bright, open-minded people, for example. But on the other hand, you also get your own satisfaction when you hang out with people who are humorous and full of surprises. This kind of attraction to other people is a natural, natural trait.

So it is very possible, even possible, that you love two people with different traits at the same time. This is because the characteristics, personalities, and maybe even physical traits between the two people can complement what you need in an ideal relationship.

Well, don't forget that biologically, love is a surge in the dopamine hormone that regulates mood and happiness. So even though you have a crush on this one person, but feel attracted to other people, this is due to an increase in the hormone dopamine in the brain which is completely natural and beyond your control.

Stuck in a love triangle, which one to choose?

Even though it's natural, you certainly won't be able to get caught up in a love triangle all the time. Maybe you feel that you love both. However, now is the time for you to make a final decision. Not only will you gradually stress yourself out, "hanging on" other people's futures will also have a negative impact on the quality of your relationships with those around you.

1. Try asking yourself

It's okay to talk to other people about your dilemma. But usually a problem will get a bright spot when you look in the mirror and ask yourself. Because you yourself know yourself better than others. You are sure of what you need, but just don't know how to express it

Alexandra Solomon, Ph.D., an assistant professor at Northwestern University, suggests asking yourself these two questions before rushing into deciding whether to explore a relationship with Person A or Person B:

• "Which relationship am I more wholeheartedly in?" Between the two relationships you are in, you may know better which one you are serious about and more comfortable with; and which ones are just for fun
• "What's keeping me from making a choice?"

2. Make comparisons

As long as you are involved with two different people, you will find out more about what the strengths and weaknesses of each are. There may be some things that you can tolerate, but some that you cannot. Compare which person makes you more comfortable and who you can be when you're together. Maybe this way, you will find the right person for you.

3. Plan for the future

You have made comparisons, now is the time to think about how your relationship will continue. Quoted from Our Everyday Life, Andrew G. Marshall, a marriage therapist, said that the important qualities in a relationship are intimacy, passion and commitment.

If you want to continue to a more serious level (marriage), of course the person you love must have more positive qualities for a common future, for example a sense of responsibility and career stability.

Try to figure out these two traits from your usual interactions. Then, understand who the vision and mission of the future suits you best. That way, you will be more able to resolve your heart to get out of this dark love triangle hole.