Living with a depressed partner is not easy. Depression makes your partner seem distant, which puts strain on your relationship. You may be lonely and overwhelmed by a pile of household chores because the other person is too lethargic to finish, resent your partner won't feel better, or blame yourself for the illness as a third party in your relationship. A depressed partner does not mean that your relationship is the root of the problem. If depression is a thorn in your relationship, it's time for you to act - for both your partner and for yourself.

How can you help a partner with depression?

Often healthy partners will be the main stars in this "rescue step," because depression itself prevents the person from admitting that he is sick or refusing to seek help. They may feel too hopeless or burdensome to others, or they may think they can treat it themselves. These steps can help you support your partner to overcome the depression they are facing.

1. Beware of changes in behavior, the slightest

Depression can occur slowly, almost imperceptibly. Depression symptoms also look different in men and women. So it may take some time to see the pattern change or be ready to accept depression as a possible cause.

But you know your partner the best inside and out. If you notice that your partner's behavior, emotional turmoil, or thought patterns are unusual, ask yourself if this could be a symptom of depression, but don't stop there. Depression may be the reason why your partner works long hours of overtime, starts drinking alcohol / drinking more, or falls on drugs.

2. Don't wait until your partner does down

Allowing a depressed person to drown before offering help is totally wrong. Severe depression will be more difficult to deal with, easier to relapse, and will have more thorns in your relationship going forward. Waiting also increases the likelihood that your relationship will not last; the presence of depression in a relationship increases the risk of separation up to nine times.

Also, the longer a healthy partner lives with a depressed partner, the higher your risk for developing depression as well. A depressed partner can sink deeper, making it more difficult to finally deal with depression. Depression that gets worse and is left untreated will increase the risk for alcohol addiction, drug abuse, violence, and even suicide. About 60 percent of people who attempt suicide experience major depression - and depressed men are four times more likely to commit suicide than women.

3. Show unconditional love and affection

Love has the power to heal everything. When your partner is experiencing bad day , let them know you care by showing more love. It may be more difficult to do this when they have a relapse and are taking out the negativity on you, but it is precisely at these times that they really need love.

There's no need to bombard him with expensive gifts or ruffled words, just show him your care and affection. gesture simple actually talking to them. It means this: If they value loving words more than physical touch, use the words - "i love you"; "What are you doing today?"; "Want me to play over to the house?" etc. Show him what unconditional love really means. Because even if they don't love you back right away, they can feel it.

4. Take him to the doctor

Dealing with a partner who is depressed and in denial is not easy. But, by not overcoming this problem, your partner will continue to get sick or get worse, or even commit suicide, so you will feel the effects too. Depression cannot be cured without intensive care. So that you can start the healing process as optimally as possible, approach your partner with attention and with a mature plan. Don't carelessly diagnose it by saying "Are you depressed?" or force it like "Go to the doctor, gih!". That is, they will increasingly deny the condition.

If he doesn't want to consult a doctor alone, you should call the doctor first and explain that your partner is depressed. Describe what the symptoms are. Then, make an appointment for him and stay with him at the consul. If he refuses, ask him to do it for you and the kids, to make you feel better. If this method is rejected outright, go to the doctor when he feels sick (for example, the flu or a cold cough), and tuck in this conversation during a consultation in the doctor's office.

5. Don't be irritable when the depression recurs

One of the main symptoms of depression is a negative outlook. Everything feels worse than it should be, and on some days it can be difficult for him to even get out of bed in the morning. This lethargy can be "contagious" to other things in your relationship such as dating, having sex, or even casual chatting. If your partner seems to have lost interest in your relationship, it can be painful.

Remember that your enemy is the depression, not your partner. But don't ignore them either. If your partner is sick or hurt, you won't hate them for it. You will help them to get treatment, right? Well, depression is no different from any other physical illness.

A supportive and loving relationship is very beneficial for someone who is suffering from depression. That includes understanding your partner, but it also means taking practical steps to deal with the problem. Make a move to help your depressed partner get better, whether it's taking a walk to work together, dropping him off and accompanying him to doctor's appointments, or making sure he takes medication regularly.

6. Care and listen when he vent his feelings

Encourage a depressed partner to talk about how they feel, think or act, and listen without being judgmental. You may hear things that scare you, for example, a depressed partner may question their love of you for their interest in living together, or even their suicidal thoughts.

Ask them what they really need right now, and give them exactly what they want. Make a mental list of the things that bring them joy and happiness and offer them when their depression recurs. Maybe it's a marathon of their favorite tv series or movie, or their favorite snack. Understand what they really need during these times and then lovingly offer it to them. TIP: You don't have to ask questions all the time. You can always just show up with their favorite ice cream and say, "I went to the supermarket, remember you, here."

7. Support them even in their worst moments

The symptoms of depression are terrible. This is why they need your support, especially when they are down. And even if the condition continues to worsen, don't squeeze out your support. Even if they try their hardest to get rid of you (it's common for depressed patients to do so), you should continue to support them. It is easy for people with depression to forget that they have support around them, especially when they are depressed. During this time, you should remind them of your support.

8. Know when to let them be alone

Sometimes your partner will say that they just want to be alone, but what they mean is, "I need you." Other times, they'll tell you they need distance and that's what they really need. It's your job to interpret what they really need, and you can do this by asking questions and connecting them emotionally.

If your partner says they want distance, face it and try to make physical contact (hold your hand or place your hand on their thigh) and "confirm" the statement by asking if they really want the solitude. By creating a physical connection, you show that you are willing to sit down with them to overcome this. If they really need space, they'll let you know. You can hold off on discussing the continuity of your relationship with the two of you once he feels better.

9. Find a mental health counselor for both of you

Your partner needs your love, support and attention. But all these important qualities cannot cure depression at all. Use your love to get proper medical help and to remind your partner that they are valued and loved by those around them.

Depression can affect both of you. So to deal with depression in couples, in addition to seeing a medical doctor, consult a therapist or marriage counselor who specializes in dealing with depression in couples. Why is this important? The two of you may have different problems to deal with individually, or you / she may have problems dealing with obstacles from overcoming depression. It would be helpful to have a counselor who you can both meet with each other and separate at other times.

10. Find support for yourself

Don't forget to get help for yourself too. Remember that depression can even come upon a healthy you. So, on the sidelines of helping your partner overcome the depression he is facing, there is nothing wrong with taking a break and pampering yourself. Go watch the latest movies, have coffee in a cafe with friends, talk to friends.

Admitting that there is depression in your relationship can be difficult. Likewise with the difficulty of receiving assistance. Choose a trusted friend to confide in - preferably someone who has experienced depression in their life or in their family. And if you're overwhelmed with household chores because your partner can't help, say yes when someone else offers to help.