6 Question children when parents divorce & bull; hello healthy

Divorce is something that married couples should avoid as much as possible. But sometimes differences of opinion do not find a bright spot, instead of getting better, the relationship gets worse. Until finally divorce is the only way that can be done. Not only do you have to face trial, you may also need to heal from wounds. But there is one more thing you need to face, explain to those closest to you, including your children.

Explaining to children is certainly not easy, you have to filter out the right words without appearing to blame each other. Perhaps your children will also ask questions about your separation. The following are questions for children when parents divorce that you need to anticipate.

ALSO READ: 5 Ways to Explain Divorce to Children

What questions do children have when parents get divorced?

Of course, children will ask different questions depending on their age. When you explain to a 5 year old child, maybe the questions asked don't really point to the problems you and your partner have. However, explaining it to a 5 year old child will be a little difficult, because you have to make him understand it without telling a lot of details.

In contrast to explaining divorce to adolescents, he may ask difficult questions. Teens tend to have a great curiosity, here you have to be careful in explaining. The following are various children's questions when parents divorce:

1. "What does it mean to be divorced?"

Children 3 to 7 years old may not understand when you describe separation or divorce from your spouse. When asked this question from a child, perhaps the simplest answer you can say is, "Mother and father no longer live together, but we are still parents who love you wholeheartedly." Your child may not immediately understand, even he will find out about divorce at school, ask friends or teachers at school.

The image of divorce to children is certainly different, she feels that when one of her parents decides to leave it means that she no longer loves her. Not to mention the jealousy to see his friend having intact parents. Sometimes questions about separation come over and over again. Divorce may not be easy for you, but make sure your child knows that he will still be loved. Both you and your ex will continue to share time with them. Also tell the people or the closest family who love him.

2. "Why are you getting divorced?"

Don't go into details, it will confuse you, but make sure you tell your answer. Like, “Mom and dad don't really want this to happen, but we keep fighting until it tires us out. Even though life without a father / mother will feel different, we are still your parents and will always love you."

Avoid answering with, "We both don't love each other anymore." Your child may misunderstand the meaning. He may think that you and your ex means he doesn't love him either. But of course this explanation is not just in words, you and your ex-partner must also be committed to child development. Even if it can be difficult to make compromises with your partner, try to slowly build a relationship as friends.

ALSO READ: What You Need To Know Before Becoming a Step Parent

3. "I miss you" or "I miss you"

This may not be a question, but there will definitely be times when they feel nostalgic for their ex-partner. You can calm him down this way, “You can call mom / dad every day. You can also visit it every time you come home from school or on holidays. Let's talk with mom / dad, okay."

You don't need to be afraid that your child will side with your ex-partner, because this is not a competition, the most important thing is that your child gets enough affection. When he grows up, he will be able to understand for himself what really happened between the two of you.

What if the child doesn't want to visit the mother / father (your ex-spouse)? You still have to try to persuade him, even if it makes him want to see you right away. Former spouses are also entitled to time with their children. Try to persuade him without having to force him.

4. "Where will I live?"

This question may also come up when he knows the breakup. Of course Indonesian law has several considerations in deciding child custody. If the child is young, usually custody falls on the mother. However, it is possible for children to live with their father, when their mother is deemed unable to look after them.

You and your ex-spouse can also compromise on whose child you want to live with, this is a good way without having to fight over custody. When you have agreed, only then do you explain.

However, when the children grow up, they have the right to choose. Don't force children to make choices. For example, you force him to be with you, otherwise he will lose the rights you have given him.

In adolescence, children often choose parents who give them more freedom. Maybe you are scared, giving him too much freedom, but it really doesn't have to be that way. Maybe on the other hand, you are afraid that he will choose your ex-partner. Let him go through that phase, your job is to control him and keep giving what is the right of the child. When he grows up, he will understand for himself what is good for him and what is not.

ALSO READ: How to Overcome Trauma in Children?

5. "Are you going to get back together?"

We don't know what will happen next. Maybe you and your ex-partner will get back together, maybe not. While this may seem uncertain, do not give confusing answers, as it may seem like giving false hope to the child.

Say something like, “Mom / dad understands that you want us to stay together, but right now we have to separate. Not because we don't love you, but to be good parents for you, these are the things we have to choose. We don't want to hurt each other hearing our arguments every day. We'll still be together like friends."

6. "Why don't you love each other anymore?"

This is going to be a tough question. Try to answer without looking at each other's corners. Maybe your ex-partner's feelings changed, but of course you don't need to respond with hatred. For example, “We have loved each other from the past, to this day we still love each other. We just stop hurting each other, because we don't want to hurt you either. You may think that mom / dad doesn't love you anymore, but that's not true. You are everything to us, one day you will definitely understand, honey. "