Care for yourself and stop being a people pleaser in this way

Being someone who is completely "uncomfortable" alias people pleaser in order to always please others, of course, over time it makes yourself tired. In fact, decisions are usually made based on how other people will react or what other people expect of you. However, this trait is not a good habit and may have a negative impact on your social life. Then, how to stop being a person people pleaser ?

How to stop being people pleaser so that life is happier

Indirectly, maintaining a people pleaser character can indicate that you feel yourself lower than others; aka feel that other people are better than yourself. You probably mean well, either to put the other person's interests first or to protect their feelings.

However, this habit is not good for your mental health. Do not want to continue to be a people pleaser, because it is not impossible that in the future people around you will become accustomed to humiliating yourself.

Here are various ways to stop being people pleaser so as not to keep "eating the heart":

1. Forget the past

Most, if not all, “uncomfortable” people have had past trauma from bullying or actions bullying.

Yes. Feeling that you are afraid of being accepted by others if you are yourself makes you feel obligated to please others.

Before getting dizzy determine how to stop being people pleaser, You must try to forget the past. Times that make you feel insecure and don't dare to be yourself.

By letting go of the past, you might be able to do more legowo and accepting yourself easily. This is a good place to start if you want to break the habit of being a person people pleaser .

2. Respect yourself

No person is more dignified or more valuable than other people. Therefore, you have to start respecting yourself and don't put yourself down in front of others.

By ceasing to be people pleaser and begin to love yourself, you too can stand up for yourself and take a stand for yourself. You can determine an action based not only on your desire to please others, but also for your own good.

That way, you will still do good things to help others, without reducing your own self-esteem.

3. Maintain balance in social relationships

Balance is the key to harmonious socializing. Therefore, if you want to have a harmonious relationship with other people, you have to make room for other people to contribute.

Becomes people pleaser just like taking control of that space alone. The reason is, when you always try to please others as hard as possible, other people appear "unemployed". His efforts do not look as balanced and as much.

Even if your goals are good, try to slowly stop being people pleaser . Give other people the opportunity to do good things for you so that the relationship is always maintained in a balanced and harmonious manner.

4. Understand the situation and conditions

Doing good is good. However, it is not uncommon for your goodness to be used by irresponsible people. Habit becomes people pleaser it makes it easier for other people's evil intentions towards you.

Therefore, try to be more sensitive to situations and conditions. If someone wants to ask you for help, first understand the person's intentions and goals. If he does need help and you can provide assistance, there is nothing wrong with being kind.

However, if others are taking advantage of you on purpose, never be afraid to say no. Fear or discomfort to refuse will keep you stuck and not stop being a habit people pleaser .

5. Refusing does not mean evil

Of course there are times when you can't help others, even if you feel like helping.

Ironically, people pleaser often have trouble with this. In the end, you will continue to try to please others and put your own interests aside. In fact, if you are unable to help, you can refuse.

Rejection doesn't mean you are bad. Especially if you really can't help. Therefore, if you are forced to refuse to provide assistance, show empathy.

For example, suppose a friend wants to borrow money because her parents are sick. However, if you do not have any spare money, show that you understand the situation with sympathy.

Give him the understanding that you really can't give him the help he hoped it would.

6. Don't apologize if you don't have to

You do have to apologize if you made a mistake. However, that doesn't mean you have to apologize all the time; especially if the fault is not yours. The reason is, the habit of apologizing that shouldn't be necessary is a characteristic of a person people pleaser.

By breaking this habit, you are taking a good step towards quitting being a person people pleaser .

7. Give clear boundaries

Establish clear boundaries between yourself and others. This means that you can do good but set clear boundaries, to what extent other people can use your kindness.

For example, suppose a close friend wants to confide on a thorny matter in the middle of the night. The friend insists on calling you at two in the morning, while you are asleep. Because of a call from him, you are forced to wake up even though you have sleepy .

You can just ask her to call him in the morning, when you can really concentrate on listening to what his heart is like. Remember, rest is your right, and no one has the right to challenge it; even the closest friends.

So, you don't have to feel guilty if at that moment you can't listen to her outpouring. Establishing clear boundaries and at the same time showing that other people do not have arbitrary rights over you.

In addition, just as you respect other people, other people must respect you too.

8. Don't think too much

Overthinking aka unnecessary thinking is not going to help you break the habit of being people pleaser. Instead, overthinking can aggravate this habit.

Therefore, try to think rationally. For example, if you have to turn down someone else's offer or invitation because you don't have the time and energy, then yes, just decline. You certainly have the right to refuse if the situation and conditions are not supportive.

Don't just think nonsense, for example, "Is he offended because I refused?" The problem is, other people aren't necessarily thinking the same things you think.

If your friendship is close enough and your friends understand your condition, your rejection will not damage the existing relationship.