Why do courtship that has lasted a long time still break up?

The relationship that has been going on for years with your partner turns out not to be the guide that you will stay together. There are several things that lead to dating for a long time but eventually break up. So, what are the real causes for the end of a relationship that "he said" lasts?

Of course, there are some very basics that will eventually cause you to break away from this relationship. While there must be some consideration that you have been with your partner for years, it turns out that this reason is even stronger than the time you have spent together.

Why do old courtship still end up breaking up?

According to Rhonda Milrad, LMSW, a relationship expert, a lasting relationship must also be flexible, aka flexible. This is necessary because a relationship is formed from two different people.

Even though as a unit, of course they don't forget their personalities which are definitely different from one another. Therefore, we need a space for each person so that they can develop themselves.

So what could possibly lead to the breakup of a long dating relationship?

1. Have a different goal

Couples who have different goals, of course, can still carry out the relationship well. However, keep in mind that when you and your partner don't have the same goal in this relationship, for example, don't agree on the "end" of your relationship. You want marriage, your partner doesn't. It can destroy your relationship.

It's okay not to have the same goals, but think again whether you and your partner will continue to fight around these issues and endure unhealthy relationships?

2. Disloyal

Who the hell do loved ones want to cheat on? Now, even disloyalty can destroy a strong, long-standing relationship.

Although there is a possibility that it can still be repaired, of course the wound will never heal. It takes time, patience, and support to get through it all in order to forgive your partner.

For some people, cheating is an act that cannot be tolerated and the solution is to separate. One of the foundations of a healthy relationship is trust. If this important element is damaged, it will be very difficult to maintain the relationship.

3. Lack of confidence

A study has shown that a lack of confidence in a person can have a negative impact on their love story. When you feel dissatisfied with yourself, this insecurity can actually affect your attitude toward your partner.

Usually, people who lack self-confidence feel threatened by their partner's life, which seems more successful. This condition eventually creates jealousy to fear that your partner will leave you. Now, this fear can make you more in control of your partner so that a sense of possessiveness arises.

If you feel less confident or feel that your partner has that feeling, then it's best to discuss it well. With discussions around this, you will both feel supported by one another. Do not let the two of you break up for a long time just because you are not open and feel inferior to your partner.

4. Not so intimate

Intimacy is often interpreted as a reflection of a close and close relationship. Therefore, intimacy is very necessary in your love with your partner. This point is very important because it can build such a strong foundation for those who have been through quite a hard time.

If you and your partner feel less intimate even though they have been in a relationship for a long time, of course this could be a factor in the end of the bond. You or your partner don't feel trust in each other because of this lack of intimacy. So, it is very important to maintain this element so that your relationship will last a long time.

5. Attitude in dealing with problems

Having different opinions and arguing frequently in relationships is normal. However, dealing with those differences wisely is the key to a relationship. According to research conducted by John Gottman, one of the things that can end your relationship is how you and your partner behave when faced with a problem.

Whether spoken with cold heads, shouting at each other, or making dangerous physical contact. These habits are certainly very influential in your relationship, whether healthy or not, even though you have lived it for years.

So, those are the various reasons why people who are dating for a long time can end up breaking up. Lacking a foundation in your relationship, such as trust, can have a big impact on your romance. Therefore, try to be more careful when starting a new relationship so as not to repeat the same mistakes.